Today is the 15th, and so I called the rabbi to set up my appointment. My heart was beating so fast just waiting for him to answer ( I don't know why!) He told me to call him back on Tuesday when he would have a better idea of times, etc. Now, again with the waiting...
I'm beginning to have very big concerns about how the process will begin. First of all, we do not live close enough for an Orthodox synagogue at the moment. We signed a 10 month lease which will not be done until March, so this is worrying me. Okay, now that I think about it, that's my only big concern. Everything else is totally manageable.
You know, this past Shabbos was very difficult for me. By no means am I observing it, yet, but because I *want* to so badly, Friday night always brings mixed emotions. For starters, I LOVE preparing the Shabbos dinner. Cleaning the house, cooking the big meal, lighting the candles (yes, I light the candles and am not entirely sure if I should, but I just feel like I can't stop myself), preparing the dinner table... everything feels so right to me. Then, the meal is over. And that's it. Shabbos in my house lasts for maybe - MAYBE - 45 minutes. All the build-up I have, all the love I put into everything crashes down after that. After everything is cleaned up and people disperse, I get depressed. Any suggestions on how to.... just.... not end up this way every Friday night?
A video I viewed the other day that I absolutely fell in love with:
Makes me proud to be a woman and potential Jew.
You know, you could start observing the Sabbath now! Why not? Just dive in and go for it. It will impress your future beth din to know that you're there, already. Also: the not-living-near-an-Orthodox-shul thing *will* be a big problem if you're just starting out on the journey, but don't be discouraged.
ReplyDeleteSuggestion: Do Shabbat the way YOU want to do Shabbat. Don't make it about others or what they're thinking or doing. Make it for yourself and your neshama!
well, isn't it better to be living far away now, instead of, say, being in the middle of the process and then choosing to live far away? I'm just grasping at straws here :P
ReplyDeleteYou're right about just diving in. I was told by a Jewish acquaintance, though, that I should refrain from doing *too* much before I have rabbinical instruction. But you're the one who's actually done an Orthodox conversion, so I take your advice!
Really, they'll be *impressed* that you've read up (online, wherever) and talked to other Orthodox Jews (like me, for example) on what to do and how to do it in a way that prepares you for your conversion proper (i.e., the actual process).
ReplyDeleteAny steps you take now will make it better (and easier) later!