Today, I spoke with the rabbi on the phone again. We set our appointment - Sunday evening. The first time we spoke, he seemed a little bit impressed with my dedication. Today, however, I almost cried on the phone. He sounded disappointed that we had no rabbi, no shul we attend, we don't keep Shabbos... by the time I hung up the phone, I just wanted to shrivel up and disappear!
I told him that I had some Israeli friends who told me, about a year ago, that I should not try to learn prayers, observe Shabbos, or do anything "technical" until I'm under a rabbi's help. This was after a visit with their rabbi. However, on the phone today, *my* rabbi told me that they were WRONG and that I should be doing everything I possibly can to "practice" a Jewish life. I told him that that was something I'd been struggling with for a long time: trying to decide how intensely I should study, because there are so many different books, ideas, websites, opinions... who can say what's what?
In the end, the rabbi told me not to be worried, but I will have to change the fact that I don't live within walking distance of a synagogue. Big problem. Even bigger problem? Bringing it up to my husband tonight. If all else fails and we cannot move (which would require us to break our lease), we can stay with acquaintances or in a hotel that's near the local synagogue. And speaking of acquaintances...
After the call with the rabbi was over, I headed out in search of a kosher deli I'd seen online. It looked great. Frozen foods, sandwiches, lots of different meats - definitely something to check out. When I arrived in the parking lot, I called my husband and told him about how sad I felt after speaking with the rabbi. Afterwards, I walked up to the deli and saw that it was closed! Lights off, no food in the freezers, boxes everywhere... what a disappointment! The only other place I'd read about that carried kosher meats was the Super Target just down the street from my apartment, so I headed over there.
Now, keep in mind, in Orlando, I have *rarely* seen an Orthodox Jewish person. I can count on one hand how many I've seen in the past 3 months. In Super Target today, I was standing in front of the kosher food aisle when a young Jewish woman came up to me and said, "Hi, do you need any help? I live around here, so...." and from there we just started chatting. She was there with her adorable little toddler, and her mother-in-law. She gave me her phone number and the numbers of a few other people, including kosher restaurants. The mother-in-law told me that her son is basically like my husband, and that it's difficult to get them to feel excited about their religion. It comforted me a lot to hear that. So, there I was talking to two modestly dressed women with their hair covered, buying kosher foods, and talking to me like I was an old friend - just because I wanted to be Jewish, too. All the pain and bad feelings I had after my phone call earlier had disappeared.
Today was just another reminder that somehow, someway, there is a plan laid out for us. Just when I was feeling really down and out, I was on the same path as a Jewish woman who happened to have answers to my questions and some words to give me hope. Aside from that, I'm happy to announce that my kitchen is now officially stocking kosher meat...whoo hoo! And, per the rabbi's advice, I will be "keeping" Shabbos. Another thing to tell my husband tonight. Should be a fun conversion... *giggle*
So glad the rabbi straightened this out for you ... I was *really* surprised that others had told you otherwise. Most people "live" Jewishly for a while before even contacting a rabbi, some before even going to a synagogue! I know that it took me about a year as observing some of the holidays and not eating pork/shellfish before I even stepped foot into a Reform synagogue. Internet resources also should have clued you in otherwise.
ReplyDeleteI hope things go smoothly for you. But the process will probably be quite lengthy as you go forward from scratch. Just be patient and think about the end goal, okay? There are lots of us out here who can support you. Plenty of converts on the web. Just keep us in mind!
Well, I felt pretty stupid when I talked to him today. I mean, really, on the verge of tears. I guess I was just scared of doing "too much" (if that's possible?) and then have someone telling me that I shouldn't have. For example: candle-lighting on Shabbat. So many mixed messages from the internet and from friends! One Orthodox guy told me specifically to NEVER do it because it's the obligation of a JEWISH woman and I was not. Then I read about a year later, online, something different.
ReplyDeleteEither way, today I went out and bought kosher meat and plan on keeping my house that way, from here on out. And this Shabbat WILL be Shabbat for me! Well, aside from having to break it a bit, of course.
How long was your Orthodox conversion? The more people tell me how long it's going to take, the more sick I get. All I want is to just have a Jewish family, have kids... and now I'm getting freaked out at how long it could take.
I agree with Chaviva about living Jewishly way before approaching a Rabbi, let alone the mikvah!
ReplyDeleteHang in there honey. :)
Well, my experience is not typical because of the level of knowledge and observance I had. I converted Reform in 2006, after 3 years of study. I started observing Orthodoxy around Passover in 2008, and I started meeting formally with an Orthodox rabbi in December 2008. I filed my paperwork with the RCA in August 2009 and was converted by January 1, 2010.
ReplyDeleteSo those nearly seven years I had behind me really helped my RCA-specific process to only be August-January .. but that is rare, if not impossible, for most people.
The thing is, and this is something that should have clicked: How can you BE Jewish if you don't know how to BE Jewish? You have to practice and take on the observances in order to know how to do them! And for some people, that takes years.
The typical length is about 2 years, but for some it's been as much as 10 years. I'm so mad at whoever told you not to observe this stuff. Grrrr.
The thing is, Chaviva, is that it HAS clicked for me... it clicked a long time ago. Not too long after I discovered Judaism, actually. The only thing was, I didn't want to do things only partially - which is, for example, why I chose to have nothing to do with the Reform synagogue in the town where I went to college. I wanted it all or nothing.
ReplyDeleteApparently that has come as a curse to me, if the way everyone else is looking at it is that I should have just accepted living all those years doing things to a lesser standard. However, now that I DO live within the possibility of doing things the Orthodox route, I know it'll be hard, and they will probably be hard on me, but that's okay. I haven't believed in this for 8 years just for kicks.
I am also frustrated at my old "friends" who apparently gave me their rabbi's advice. Maybe it was just that specific rabbi who thought that way, or maybe they weren't very good friends. Either way, now that I know what I do... nothing will stand in my way! :D